


(Courage) To Live Without a Lifeline

by SeleneJessabelle12626



Series: Musings of the White Wolf [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Introspection, Part of my Bucky in Wakanda AU, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), White Wolf Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 03:29:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18683239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeleneJessabelle12626/pseuds/SeleneJessabelle12626
Summary: Spoilers for EndgameThe moment he said those words, Bucky knew that the Steve Rogers he had known his entire life wouldn't be coming back.





	(Courage) To Live Without a Lifeline

**Author's Note:**

> My foray at throwing my version of Bucky into Endgame. This is not a sequel to Musings due to the altered canon of Musings. If anything its a sequel to The End of the World. 
> 
> We're gonna call this a one-shot for now, but there is a chance it might get a few more chapters for different characters learning to cope after Infinity War and Endgame.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

Any other time he would have thanked God or Bast or whoever might be listening that he knew how he was supposed to reply. Knowing how to reply meant had all of his memories back now. He’d had for sometime. He knew what the script demanded. He knew that there was more to it that just a teasing jest. He knew this was a goodbye. The last time they’d said these words, albeit the roles reversed, had been the last time they’d seen each other before everything had changed.

He’d walked away from the recruitment center, turning his back to Steve as he stood in the doorway, scrawny and determined and in way over his head. Two years later Sergeant Barnes met Captain America and while the pretended everything was the same, they both knew it really wasn’t. This Bucky, the one he was now, who had been through hell and back and lived to tell the tale had just come completely to terms with everything the world had thrown at him, when the rest of the universe decided to chime in. 

Sure Wakanda had seemed like the sci-fi shows he’d listened to on the radio at first, but then aliens from outer space had invaded what had become his peaceful little corner of the world, little old Steve Rogers leading the charge against them. It had been alright at first, falling back into the familiar role of backup to Captain America. Of course there were plenty of additions to their team, no longer just their tiny squad of men sitting around a campfire, but with the addition of an actual, literal army behind them. Still easily enough he mentally replaced the aliens with nazis and let himself fall into the rhythm of thousands of hours behind the barrel of a gun and it had been okay. 

The feeling of turning to dust had been strange. Everyone who’d experienced it generally agreed on that. It hadn’t been painful, but it hadn’t felt good either. There was a certain level of awareness to it, but not completely, like your brain couldn’t really comprehend what was happening. They did however all agree that there was no way for anyone who hadn’t felt it to truly understand. Within the umbrella of ‘the dusting’ everyone’s experience had been a little different and their reactions to coming back just as varied. As it turned out, he’d been the only one who had felt a creeping cold as his body turned to ash and darkness overtook him. It wasn’t until after the fact, after everything was all said and done and the enemy knew what it felt like, that he realized why. It had been the same as cryo freezing, a cold that seeped into his body as his vision faded away. When someone finally told them, all the ones who had been gone, that five years had passed, Bucky quickly excused himself and fought off a panic attack behind the safety of some rubble. 

It was Okoye who found him, his Vibranium hand clutching a piece of concrete so hard it was spouting dust particles. She looked to his Kimoyo beads, eyebrow raised in a silent question if she should call Shuri. He’d shaken his head and gasped in breaths of smoky, dusty air, repeating in his head over and over that the danger was over and he wasn’t going to be put back in storage till the next time he was useful. Okoye sat next to him, silent and calm, letting him work through without a word but simply as a comforting presence. When his heart finally stopped racing and his hand unclenched from the concrete, he stood slowly and held his flesh hand out for Okoye to take. He pulled her to her feet, gave her a nod of thanks and returned her small grateful smile, he for her presence and she that he was back. 

Steve had hugged him tight enough that he thought he might snap in half and he returned the gesture, ignoring the blood and grime that covered his friend. They were both dirty, everyone was to some extent, but no one still who was still standing more than Steve. Together they joined the group surrounding Stark and that was the last chance Bucky really got to speak to him until after the funeral several days later. 

They’d caught up with Sam, Steve giving them both the full story, including the other half of the battle none of them had seen on what had apparently been Thanos’ home world. Part of the explanation of their victory had been about time travel and quantum physics and other topics far too complex for them to truly understand, but the bottomline was that the Infinity Stones, the rocks that had caused all this mess in the first place, had to be returned to their proper times and places that the Avengers had taken them from. Bucky had narrowed his eyes when the location of the Tesseract was mentioned, but let his suspicions go. Steve wouldn’t just abandon a mission like that, no matter how good an opportunity it was. 

Now, a couple days later, time machine rebuilt and stones in hand, Bucky realized Steve wasn’t abandoning a mission. Like the same realization Stark had presumably made, Steve had realized that his time had come to an end. 

So they stood in front of the crazy sci-fi machine, far crazier than anything a couple of sci-fi loving kids from Brooklyn could have ever dreamed up, they hugged quickly but tightly, the gesture and the look he got afterwards conveying everything Steve had planned and that Bucky had come to understand.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” Bucky recited and the quick twitch of a smile was all he needed to show that he’d understood Steve’s intent perfectly. 

30 seconds later Steve Rogers disappeared.

 

_5_

 

_4_

 

_3_

 

_2_

 

_1_

 

“Where is he?” 

“I don’t know, he overshot his”

Bucky tuned them out as he noticed a man sitting alone on the bench nearby, a large rounded carrying case at his side. 

At his call, Sam turned. They shared a look and suddenly the White Wolf mantle around his neck felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. He gave Sam his own blessing, even if the other man didn’t quite realize it for what it was. He watched silently as they spoke and the man, Steve, pulled the shield out of its case. Sam looked to him once more for reassurance and Bucky nodded with a small smile. He slipped the shield onto his arm and Bucky didn’t need to see Steve’s face to sense his pride at the gesture. 

Finally Steve turned around and met Bucky’s eyes. He smiled and the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth deepened further. He looked fragile now, as though a strong wind might blow him over but his eyes still held every ounce of determination Bucky had seen in them his entire life. 

“Must’ve been one helluva dance.” Is all he can bring himself to say, but from the way Steve’s smile softens, he knows it’s enough. 

It isn’t until Bucky is alone in his ship, headed back to Wakanda and his hut with everything involving Thanos and the Infinity Stones and the Infinity War far behind him, that he allows himself to cry. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Earth by Sleeping at Last


End file.
